Life Altering Beautiful Read online

  Life Altering Beautiful

  T.A. Hardenbrook

  Acknowledgements

  To my amazing husband who has stuck by me through thick and thin. The journey of creating my novel has been hair pulling and screaming at times, but I have you to thank for keeping me on track. Thank you for understanding when the house didn’t get clean, the laundry piled up, and we were eating pizza again for dinner all because I had to finish a section. I am so blessed to be able to share this life with you and our two boys, you guys are my heart and soul.

  To my mom; my editor, sounding board and my very best friend. Thank you for always believing in me, in everything I have ever done. Having your support through this project has been a saving grace in my crazy messed up world. Your words of wisdom in times of hardship have never led me askew, and with that I am confident that I will continue to succeed in my life.

  A special thanks to my beta readers, I appreciate you all, for taking the time in your busy lives to read the novel. Your advice for the story line was the icing on the cake that made it so sweet to finish and get out to the world. All six of you really helped take the novel to the next level in reading. I hope to be graced with the privilege of work with you all in the future again.

  My vision was small when starting to novel, I just wanted to write something down and put it out there. When I had my cover re-designed by Cover It! Designs, it finally solidified the work I was doing. Arijana immediately got what I was trying to convey with very little help on my part. This woman makes magic with her covers and I’m so excited to be able to share this amazing cover with you! Plan on seeing a lot more of her work as I continue this passion of writing, as she runs the go to company for my covers!

  This book is dedicated to everyone who has ever believed in me. To every person who made a comment about wanting to read it and even simply liking my Facebook Page. Without your support, this would have never materialized, and I’m so happy it did.

  So to all the fans, friends, and family this book is for you!

  Chapter 1

  Seven

  Well here goes nothing, I think as I sit and stare out my car window looking at the vast campus that lies before me. Still gripping the steering wheel tightly, I realize I’m not moving. Nope, I’m basically frozen in place with no intention of getting out of this car. I wonder if I can reach Wi-Fi on my laptop and just do online courses and never have to leave the safety of this vehicle.

  Glancing in the mirror I take a deep breath and slowly peel my hands from their resting stop. After 14 hours of driving they are sore and stiff, almost looking like raptor claws, a great appearance and first impression for my “new and improved” life. I reach over to the passenger seat to grab my purse, only to find somewhere in the last leg of the journey it has spilled the entire contents of my life on the floor. Shit, seriously why do I feel the need to have such a giant purse that allows me to stuff so much crap into it? I rifle through the mess that is now on my floorboards and find my wallet and the envelope that contains all the information I’m going to need to start this chapter of my life.

  Alright let’s do this, I say to myself as I grab the handle and swing open my car door. “Hey watch it” I hear a voice say as I glance up and catch their eyes. The scowl on their face suggests I about creamed them with my door, wincing I manage to squeak out an “I’m sorry” as I quickly climb out and shut it. Leaning up against the car, I tip my face to the sky thinking; great first start Seven. I seriously think I should look into that Wi-Fi.

  Whoever said college would be the best years of your life obviously didn’t have to unload their car full of stuff alone. After finding the hall I will call home for the next year, I make it back to my car parked of course in the farthest possible spot available on campus. A small sigh escapes from my lips as I pop the hatch to the trunk, what was I thinking packing all this junk.

  As I basically stall the inevitable of the massive unload I am about to partake in, my mind begins to wander. Memories start to flood back into my mind, things that I have buried so deeply in my soul, things that I am trying to run away from. I only realize that I’m off in la-la land when I feel the hot moisture from tears on my cheeks, and quickly wipe them away with the back of my hands. Well here goes nothing I murmur to myself as I grab a tub and some hanging clothes from the pile of never ending crap. Closing the hatch I begin the daunting hike to my dorm, looking around and watching all the families drop off their loved ones, helping them with their own massive loads of crap. Suck it up I think, don’t sweat the small stuff, it’s going to be fine. Wow, I sound like a stupid hallmark card, as I shake my head to rid me of past thoughts.

  I reach the door of the enormous building and pull it open, shock creeps over me at the amount of people milling about the lobby. Fear starts to creep in as I quickly scan the room. It’s all in my head I say to myself, they are not staring, take a deep breath and move forward. I opt to take the stairs, as I’m only on the second floor and waiting in line for the elevators is going to cause more anxiety than needed today.

  Getting to the door for my shared room I don’t know if I should knock or just walk in. Standing there like an idiot, I raise my hand to knock and the door swings open. “Oh hi” a loud and gorgeous blonde blurts out, blocking the entrance to the room. “I’m Tammy, and I’m betting your Seven!” she says with enthusiasm and a bounce in her step. “Um yeah”, I manage to struggle out. I’m guessing I look like a deer caught in the headlights as Tammy seems to be looking a little worried that her roommate is a weirdo. “Sorry, I’m totally in your way huh” she asks as she steps aside and motions me to come in.

  I take that first step into the room and slowly scan my surroundings. My face must have given me away because Tammy starts to talk real fast. “I’m sorry is it too much? I’m always over doing things and I just want our room to be perfect, and well you know I started over here, then that wall looked bare and well then I had to rearrange the furniture, and you hate it huh?” I glance over at my roommate who is still holding the door wide open and biting her lip in fear of what I am about to say. “Oh no it’s fine; I take it that’s my bed?” I ask giving her the reassuring smile I have come to master for situations like this. The look of relief washes over Tammy’s face as she shuts the door. “Oh good, I was completely worried that you would hate it, and in return hate me, then it would be a miserable living arrangement, and oh my gosh I’m rambling huh?” as she stops just inches in front of me, twisting her hands nervously in front of her. I quickly take a step back and turn towards my bed in the corner, tossing the bin and the clothes in a pile. “Don’t worry about it” I throw a smile over my shoulder a smile and act like I’m digging through the mess I created.

  I can feel the awkwardness in the air as a tentative few moments pass with no other words spoken. Closing my eyes I remember this is my chance for change, to be the person I always wanted to be. Let’s plaster a smile on my face and get this shit over with.

  “I was just about to head over to the lodge and grab a bite to eat, want to come with?” Tammy asks. She looks a little relieved when she sees the smile I’ve managed to muster up. “I’ve got so much to unload and of course I’m parked clear across campus, so maybe next time” I say to her as I walk over to the door. Just as I am about to turn the knob and walk out Tammy blurts out “I can help if you want?” shrugging her shoulders. Hesitating at the door, I mull the offer over in my mind. It’s only help and I’m going to be living with this chick so better make nice now. Besides I’ve got so much stuff and really don’t want to make five million trips across campus alone. Turning around I flash an award winning completely fake smile and say; “sure I’d love help!” I swear she is going to see straight through my f
ake BS; but nope, she gives me a smile and follows me out the door.

  The moment we step outside she starts to ramble again, and I find myself letting my mind wander once more. I catch snippets of information on her life; one brother, cheerleader, single, loves to talk (yeah go figure), and I think she said she was rushing. We get to my car and she smiles “Thank god you have a nice car, my parents wouldn’t let me bring mine and I hate showing up to parties in a junker, wow that sounded shallow, I swear I’m not that shallow, it’s just that I like nice things, and hot girls should always……………….oh wow I’m just going to shut up now,” as she bites her lip again. I laugh as I walk to the back and hit the latch button. Yes my car is nice; White 2012 Honda accord, however the circumstance behind owning it makes the car look ugly to me. “How long did you have to kiss your parents ass to get this?” as she grabs more clothes and a laundry hamper. “Not too long” I mutter while reaching for another tub and a duffle bag full of shoes. At this rate two or three more trips and we should have it all, and then maybe I can get some peace from her incessant talking.

  I am down to my final box of crap when Tammy comes skidding through the door. “You will never believe who is throwing a party tonight!” I contemplate giving her a smartass answer as I place the last picture frame on my desk, however go with a questioning look and a “who?” “Phi Kappa Tau!” She squeals, jumping up and down like a fricken pre-teen at a Bieber concert. “You have to come with me, I mean please come with me, pretty pretty pretty please”, she begs while grabbing my arm and giving it a shake. “I don’t know” ripping my arm from her clutches. I flop down on to my freshly made bed and look at my roommate standing there like a kid on Christmas complete with the twinkle in her eye. She really is pretty, I’m betting 5’8, long blonde hair, southern belle style, and truly seems like a nice person.

  Tammy immediately walks over to my side of the closet and starts to fling clothes in every direction. “Wait, I just put everything away” I groan as I start to gather the ever growing pile of material on the floor. “Ah ha, I bet this is amazing on you!” Tammy twirls around and I’m almost afraid to look at what she is holding. I slowly glance up with an arm full of clothes and wince. It is that dress, you know the dress one can’t seem to ever get rid of, yet never wants to wear again. The dress that holds so many memories that always resurfaces no matter how far down you push the emotion? Crap, yep it’s THAT dress.

  As I stand there, basically dumbstruck and mouth open, Tammy is already digging for shoes. “This is going to be the hottest back to school party tonight, and I can’t fly solo, AND we are going to be best friends so basically that requires you to go, and TA-DA look I’ve already got your outfit ready” she announce as she comes up holding that dress and a pair of red strappy heals. Why can’t I just get rid of that dress?

  How I let Tammy talk me into to this I’ll never know, and I’m starting to realize that my decision to tag along was a dumb one. This stupid dress keeps riding up on my thighs, and I swear my hands are going to be fixed at its hem tonight, pulling it down over and over. I can’t believe I’m even back in this dress, it’s been almost a year since that night and this stupid dress still fits like a glove. Remembering the wave of emotion that crept over me as I slipped it on earlier this evening, I managed to push it down then, and now is not the time for it to come back.

  Glancing up at the tall two story brick building, I wonder what I’ve got myself into. I am just about to turn around when Tammy links my arms and pulls me up the walkway. “Tonight is about networking, finding the hottest guys, and taking numbers. But never leaving with them, got to make em want more darling!” I glance over at Tammy and she has got a wicked smile plastered across her face, somehow I know tonight is going to be trouble. We reach the steps and you can hear the music at full blast inside the house, some sort of new aged pop crap. I grimace at the thought of listening to this all night, letting my mind wander back to cool evenings around the bonfire with a little Cash in the background. However that memory is quickly removed from my mind when an idiot pushes past Tammy and I and barely makes it down the steps before losing his dinner all over the grass.

  “This party is going to be amazing! We can’t lose each other okay?” Tammy says as she slips our linked arms apart and grabs my hand to walk in the front door. The door is already open and the room is packed, and I’m talking Cowboys playing the Steelers on a Monday night bar packed. Tammy manages to squeeze past a few people and I’m almost thankful that we are holding hands now, cause there would be no way I could manage to get anywhere in this crowd. I have to remind myself to keep looking up, as truly I find the floor much more interesting than saying “excuse me” or “oops sorry” to everyone we bump into as Tammy forges forward to the unknown.

  Tammy is almost pulling my shoulder out of its socket when she gives me a quick jerk. I take my eyes off the floor and glance up “Keg straight ahead!” she shouts. “Aye matey” I respond while rolling my eyes and being dragged across the room. “Okay remember the rules Seven; no taking drinks from anyone other than each other, no losing track of each other, and finally find a hot piece of ass but no bringing him home” Tammy instructs as she hands me a plastic cup and smiles like a Cheshire cat.

  The coldness of the liquid in the cup shocks my senses; it’s been awhile since I’ve had a drink. Well actually it’s been 11 months and 14 days since that night, not like I’m counting or anything. As I stare at the beer in my hand I start to panic, closing my eyes I try to mentally talk myself down from the ledge my mind feels like its standing on. I can do this, no one knows, I’m going to have fun. Deep breathe in and slowly exhale, remembering what my therapist told me to do, however that doesn’t seem like a good idea right now. No, let’s just slam this beer down and see if it takes the edge off. “Holy shit girl that was totally hot” Tammy exclaims as I sit the plastic cup down on the counter. I just shrug my shoulders “What can I say; it felt like the right thing to do”. Tammy throws her head back and laughs “Let’s go dance” as she grabs my hand and starts pulling me to the make shift dance floor.

  Stone

  Why I come to these parties I can never tell ya, oh wait its required for my frat. The frat that I didn’t want to join however is basically forced down my throat since I’m a legacy. Guess I better find the damn keg and get this evening over with I think as I wander down the hall to find the beer.

  “Hey Stone” a blonde throws herself on me as I walk by. Glancing at the chick I have no clue who she is, but at least she is hot. “It’s been a while hot stuff, want to head upstairs” she asks while throwing her hands up around my neck. Now any other night I would have said sure, however I was already in a piss poor mood from being at this party when all I wanted to do was sit on my ass in my lonely apartment and drown my sorrows alone. I pull the drunken girls arms off my neck and steady her on her feet, “not tonight darling”. I turn and walk away bound to find a drink and try to forget I’m stuck here. “Whatever Stone, don’t call me ever again” the blonde shouts out to me. I smile and shake my head, I never call them anyway.

  I finally find the keg in the stupidest spot the pledges could have put it and head out to the back yard to think. I catch girls basically eye fucking me as I walk out of the house, however have no intention of stopping and talking with any of them. Stepping out on the patio I notice for once the backyard is somewhat clean, and actually a decent place to be considering this house belongs to bunch of guys who can’t even pick up their own socks from the floor. I wonder if they made the pledges do some yard work or if our “president” had his daddy hire someone. Yeah I bet it was the later thought, stupid fucker.

  I spot a chair not being used and pull it over to a corner of the yard that currently has no drunken visitors. Last thing I need is another chick to come and try to catch my attention with her boobs or a pledge asking if he can do anything for me. I throw the hood of my sweatshirt over my head and slouch down in the chair, tipping the beer back slowly. Whoever
bought the keg should have got better beer, this shit is gross as I swirl the brown liquid in the cup. I throw the cup behind me, a pledge can clean that shit up later.

  I close my eyes for only a second and my chair is tipping back. “What the fuck” I shout as I smash into the grass. “What up you lonely ass wipe?” says a voice standing over me. “You dumbass, help me up” as I reach over to my loser of a best friend. Hunter grabs my hand and pulls me to my feet and I immediately take a swing at his shoulder. “Ouch, what the hell man” hey says as he rubs his arm wincing in pain. “I prefer to stay upright jackass, you totally deserve that” I respond as I try to dust the crap off the back of my hoodie. “Why aren’t you in there hitting up all the fine back to school tail?” Hunter asks as he nods to the back sliding door. “Cause I just wanted to make my appearance, have a couple drinks, and get home.” In reality I just want to get the hell out of there now, but I did the brotherly thing and showed up. “Whatever man, this party is hot and there is so much fresh meat out there, I can’t even begin to know where to start!” Hunter tosses over his shoulder as he walks away. Even my socially challenged best friend doesn’t want to hang out with my sorry ass tonight, and I know he isn’t going to get any women to believe his lines. I glance at the deck that is starting to fill up with people escaping the heat inside; and figure what the hell I’ll go find the presidents stash of whiskey, at least if I’m going to drink it might as well it be the good stuff.

  Making my way back inside I head for the stairs, knowing damn well the good stuff is going to be hidden in douche bags room. I reach the door I am looking for and pause for a second. I can hear noises coming from the other side of the door, and for a second think I recognize them. Well wouldn’t that be funny interrupting him in mid freak, hopefully making the dumb chick that is hooking up with him panic and leave. I turn the knob and throw the door open, and it hits me like a ton of bricks.